Blog

Sometimes it’s just plain hard to do the thing you want to do. Your internal muscle simply isn’t strong enough. How do you strengthen that willpower muscle?

In last week’s blog post, I focused on the necessity of creating structures that decrease the need for willpower when willpower is low. Now I focus on how to increase willpower.

I love making goals. In my early years of idealism, I would make numerous goals and set out to reach them, but like always, my energy for them faltered after about a week. Yet my mentor would remind me that I accomplished more than if I would have set no goals at all.

While that’s true, at least in the short term, what my mentor missed was the fact that consistently not reaching my goals was eroding my trust in myself, and a loss of trust in myself set me on a course of perpetual feelings of inadequacy and therefore lower long-term productivity.

Stephen M. R. Covey, author of The Speed of Trust, emphasizes the importance of first trusting yourself before you can become trustworthy to others. And trust in yourself starts with the small things. ¹

In other words, if you cannot make and keep commitments to yourself, your confidence erodes, making you untrustworthy even to others. Growing that confidence happens when you lower your commitments to levels you can keep.

For example, one man who wanted to lose weight started by spending one minute standing on the treadmill each morning. Another man stood in front of the TV for one minute each hour without turning it on. These tiny actions were small deposits into their self-confidence bank account. Kelly goes on to say “Change, in its smallest, least threatening form is usually the most successful.” ² Focusing on levels of commitment they could keep gave these men the self-confidence that eventually helped them reach their long-term goals.

How do you lift a bull? You lift a calf every day until it becomes a bull.

How do you increase your willpower? You start with small, attainable commitments that you will keep; then you slowly increase those commitments, all the while keeping them attainable.

What commitments or goals do you struggle to keep consistently? How can you break them into smaller commitments that you know you will keep?

In the classic Frog and Toad story, Toad makes cookies for his friend, Frog. They eat and eat the delightful cookies, until they realize they have eaten enough, at which point they agree to eat one last cookie. After they eat one last cookie, they agree to eat one very last cookie. Taking one very last cookie, Toad cries, “We must stop eating.” Frog, reaching for another cookie, agrees and adds “We need will power.”

So in an attempt to stop his cookie-grabbing impulses, Frog puts the cookies into a box; but after Toad points out that they could open the box, Frog ties string around it. Toad immediately points out they could cut the string, so Frog takes out a ladder and places the box on a high shelf. After Toad again points out that they could take the box down, cut the string, open the box, and eat the cookies, Frog agrees and takes the box down, cuts the string, and opens the box. But this time he takes the box outside and feeds the cookies to the birds. “Now we have no more cookies to eat,” says Toad sadly. “But we have lots of willpower,” concludes Frog.

We laugh at the irony of that statement, knowing the very reason Frog had to give the cookies to the birds was because he had no willpower to restrain himself in the face of temptation.

Willpower is in limited supply, meaning change is limited if we only depend on willpower. Effective change takes more than willpower; instead, change is built upon a support structure that decreases the need for willpower.

In other words, if you know you have an urge to indulge in chocolate chip cookies, sticking with your no sugar commitment will probably require more than drumming up the ability to resist that urge every time you walk into the kitchen. Instead, you can change your environment by removing your cookie jar. That’s called creating a support structure that helps you reach your goal.

Most of us already do this with to-do lists. You’ve probably already figured out that trying harder to remember doesn’t work. That’s why you write it down. You create a structure that enables you to “remember.”

Many people continue relying on willpower to change. But depending on willpower for change is a misunderstanding of how change works. Energy spent drumming up willpower would be more effective spent creating a support structure for change.

What does a support structure for change include?

First, change is built on hope. Many times, another person’s encouragement or belief in us gives us the hope to change. Sometimes seeing a better alternative gives us hope. Hope is contagious, so if you want hope, don’t hang out with negative, pessimistic people; hang out with hopeful people. It will rub off on you, and it might be the first step toward a better life.

Secondly, a support structure for change requires accountability. Let’s face it: we are social creatures, and we live best if we don’t deny our need for other people. You are not better or wiser because you can do more on your own; you become wiser as you draw from the resources and strengths of those around you. Allowing other people to make you better is not a sign of weakness; it is an acceptance of your needs and the way you are wired, and facing your own needs takes courage. That’s real strength. So be strong and be wise and increase your “willpower” by seeking out accountability.

What support structure are you creating that will help you reach your goals?

What do you need (that you currently don’t have) to be able to reach the goals you’ve set?